fear

afraid

and far away

we watch life pass

right in front of our eyes

unable to patch up the past

we live with holes

in our shoes

in our pockets

in our hearts

a fixated focus on forgetting

tells the mind memory is more than just remembering

it is feeling

it is reliving and sitting upright

at all times

walking

wears down worries

but when you are already worn

its hard to put up with the wind

this weather

has no end

it begins

and begins

and i wonder will it ever end

again we ask

questions we dont want the answers to

afraid

so we refuse to follow

any direction other than down

the sea level

has seen you

beneath its surface

submerged like a coral reef

catching waves of grief

all other options

are cop outs

surrounded by decisions

we pick none

just sit and stare at the sun

afraid

we keep watching

life and love

a leisure's gaze tells us to stay

behind the chained fence

afraid to change and actually mean it

i wonder when this will ever end

messy

your mind is messy
a maze
thoughts get lost
in themselves
thinking with no direction
is bad for the heart
its hard
to find your way back
when back
is bad
a past
you are trying to shake
instead of share with the world
like scars on elbows
there is nothing left to show
so we shout
hoping the sound
will make or break
im sorry
but it wont
i have tried similar tactics
no use
so we toss and turn
troubled youth
ruffling through
thoughts we wish didn't exist
i too am a mess
you just can't see it

show me your god

tell me more of your god

when you look for him does he look back

cause i can feel eyes on my forearms

watching my wrists water and i wonder

if the weight of its stare is the same as yours

in the back of my mind i am always searching

eyes open for a destination other than this earth

looking both ways

for one way

either way

tell me your story

write it on my eyelids so sleeping is like reading

and reading is just another pair of lungs breathing

so share your air with me

let your god be my god and guide me

take me back

all the way home

anything will do

you can find me underneath your tongue

right between unsaid words and unheard whispers

the glistening taste of my name

follows the flame of your throat as you swallow it whole

I haven’t seen your lips in a while

with a smile to seal my sore wounds

you carry me through battle grounds

a grain of salt in your pocket

to protect the blood from soiling the mood

how good it feels to be spoken

instead of being broken

like so many times before

I have gotten too used to these self inflicted bruises

the ones i never had a say in choosing

simply lost my voice by losing my way

and maybe thats why you never have anything to say

if not today,

then maybe the next

I love Alex Klunk

That’s all I have to say about that

day 5

either your mouth is sleeping
or you don't care enough
to leave any words
perhaps
none of this is worth it
but I am learning
that when hope
is on the other side of the world
it's going to take
more than a sturdy fist
to get the girl
I got it
it's locked in
but my thoughts
won't box themselves up
so they go everywhere
just trying to find where you are
but its hard
when you are so sure there
is nothing I can do to prove
that love is enough
but it is
if you just listen
to your heart beat's rhythm
then maybe it can get the message across

nothing seems to work
not my words
they lost their worth long ago
if my arms show anything
its that they are slipping out their sockets
and it's possible
that they could
burst into a summer evening
to even the odds of you leaving
with the sun
some say
we have stayed long enough
and maybe they're right
or maybe,
our hearts have tried leaving
but with more magic than reason
they came back
precise as fact
I want this to last
past what we thought possible

day 4

i think i'm hearing things
a cold whisper
perhaps i imagine your lips are in the air
there to speak to me
but on the other side of this town
not a sound is being made
between you
and between me
I am beating my chest with fists
and heavy wrists
they won't let you go
I don't want them to
but the silence reminds me
of previous days where darkness
carried into my dreams
and anything was impossible to be seen
so I folded my beliefs into my sheets
and stopped sleeping altogether
I don't know what I'm going to do
I carry you
to all the places I pass through
its dangerous
hanging onto you the way I do
but I have to
so say anything
but goodbye
that word melts my sky and
turns the ground into graveyards
I can't go into this soil
when my heart is still beating
blood still boiling
for you
all this time
i'm not fine i say
but the words pass you by
only to reach the silence
on the other side

tjb

come on say something
anything
will stop these thoughts
from running back and forth
in a game of tag
where your name touches my mind
and then it shoots across my spine
and back into my eyes
I just need some words
something worth your time
I know its easier
to turn shoulders and chances away
but the science behind our love
does not exist yet
it can't
it is anything but simple
So please would you grip
my tumbling mind
with the hand that used to sleep with mine
You'd rather increase the gap
so the distance cannot be bridged between
our I miss you's but I wish you
would look into my eyes
and see that the boy behind them is no longer there
his mistakes are in the sour air
that sits somewher else
help me
melt into the man I need to be
by needing me back
please,
bring your voice back into my room
so I can water my soul
with your tongue and my walls
can stop waiting for somebody to call them worthy
I am worried
that the absence of my touch
will construct this belief
that we would be better off
without each other
but I would rather
smother my face with demons
than to believe there is any good in you leaving
darling
they say
when the dark is there
why not spark a flare
to stare the shadows down
I sound so pathetic in my plea
but I have said this before
so just let me say it again
my skin is merely pinned to my bones
when you are not here
to hold it up
so sturdy and strong
I was wrong
for tucking the past into an unprotected pocket
but I won't pretend
that the end of this all is good for us both
I won't
I can't
I will stand in the middle of the ocean
half-way between coast guards and swimming sharks
and proclaim my pursuit
in removing your doubt and fear
I feel,
it's the only thing I can do

waiting

the feeling is mutual
we just don't know it yet
it hangs
right between our fingers
but our palms are mouths
full of promises,
closed and kept to themselves
i wonder
if any of this will change
will the possibility of starting over
snap into reality
or are we really just alone
separated by an invisible window of uncertainty
certainly,
we can do more
than just wish
our thoughts would come off of the floor
and stand up
because we certainly won't
will we?
afraid the feeling might be a little too mutual we
put our mouth on mute
and it's too soon
to break the silence
so we wait
and I wonder
will we ever stop

aye che wa wa

I am sure the shade is much cooler
than the blazing sun
but I would rather run
into the cool breeze your legs leave
when they walk right past me
passively pulling my lungs
to the surface
because the air flow was getting worse
at every shoulder you should have turned in my direction
did you think,
you could lessen my desire by smiling?
my wishbones
exploded into a million arrows
all pointing towards you
only a fool would not follow
and not borrow the sun
so that he does not run out of time
I have run into mines
only to come out empty handed
but this time
I grabbed a diamond
the kind i could not find
anywhere else except in your eyes
god
must have been much more kind
when he had you in his mind
divine
is a bible shy of your holy water dimples
they are undiscovered temples
where my knees touch ground
the same way flowers do
flavoring the soil with precious roots
so full
of life
life is
full with
all that
you are
I wonder
how far could we run
before the sun sees
we stole the sky

im sorry

okay
so no words can make
the night safe
not anymore
there is a sore
where my heart
and you used to be
both are empty
endlessly looking for
a stair case
to place its hopes on
so they may go up
and over the shoulders
that won't ever come back
yours
are just like they were in my dreams
and all the days before
I have been meaning
to tear down the city
because the streets won't lead me to you
and since the sidewalks
don't talk or sound like you
there is nothing more for me to do
than sit
in silence
in solitude
with full proof plan to lose myself
in the carpet
that can barely fit my regret
and I get
that my name left your lips
the same time this bomb hit
but I can't just give it all back
it isn't that simple
the moon must have made me a mad man
because I can't stand these stars
looking back at me
with their backwards belief that
less is more
so they go as far as they can
leaving what light they have
just beyond our hands
just like you
i cannot touch or feel
or reach you anymore
i am mostly broken
with a spare spot still hoping
for a miracle to hold it
the way we used to hold each other
so this cycle will perpetuate itself
and my cells would stick to yours
just how they used to
I am losing you
along with my air
and my hair that isn't thick enough
to block my thoughts
its just not that easy
leaving
when believing is the only thing
keeping
me
whole

i need these

alex murdoch- orange sky
pilate-fall down
beirut
otis redding- white christmas
explosions in the sky
angus and julia stone- big jet plane
matt costa- never looking back
six parts seven- in a late style of fire
coldplay-strawberry swing
freelance whales- 1st generator floor
morning benders- excuses
sam amidon- wedding dress

my bed

my bed,
doesn't dream like it used to
the night,
must have fell onto its frame
deadly like regret,
i can't even sleep anymore
not without waking
in the middle of a world
where fortune doesn't fit in the atlas
the fastest prayers
get caught in the electric lines
nothing is quite like it used to
burdens become formalities
to tragedy,
trained with the same intensity of an assassin
it destroys
the deepest dreams without even asking
everything around us,
crashes down so easily
as if blood were not strong enough bricks
and sacrifice were as simple as smiling
the truth doesn't stand like it used to
perhaps because it has been broken
too many times to remember
a broken kite
surrenders its strings
because the wind treats it
like we treat the breeze
our toxic touch
clings to the air
it is impossible to rest like before
in this bed
that cringes instead of climbs
crumbles instead of binds
folds instead of diving head first
into the possibilities of progress
this mattress
molds its edges into a matchbox mayhem
where flames are on finger tips
and dreams drink cans of gasoline
to break free from the deserts they dig through
this bed doesn't dream like it used to
and my eyes,
wish they could sleep
but the night,
doesn't work like that it says
its been said,
the world will come to an end
when the sky opens like hands
and grabs the ground up
because walking has never suited
these people
my bed doesn't dream like it used to
I guess it's waiting for you to notice

sleep easy

when your shoulders said goodbye
the ground,
turned itself inside out
so the dirt could
look in you the eye
I stood
not sure if the pain
was pure or passive
you passed me by
like communion's cup,
the wine didn't touch my lips
I wasn't worthy anymore
in my bones,
there are just broken promises
so fighting
is like dying,
but I dug my own grave
and the sky?
all it ever does is weep
as if the stars were on its knees
see, they too were wrong
their patterns were too tricky to master
I couldn't follow their orbit
I am lost,
more now than ever, I am sure of it
you didn't care for my apology
it cracked,
like a painting no one ever looked at anymore
love doesn't fit like jeans,
the seams don't get worn out
but my pockets
were not deep enough
to blind
those demons whose search for blood
led them straight to my door
the evidence,
creaks under the floor board
can you hear me?
I am asking for your hand
in the form of a candle
but the wind behind your back
blew the blue flame black
the silence
stood like a tombstone,
with no flowers to hug
what was already gone
you,
said goodbye in the middle of the night
I must have been dreaming or dying
I can't tell the difference anymore

i am certain

i am certain this is it
the feeling
reeling in
my bones
is sure to have some rules of its own
the pieces
are seeping so seamlessly
into the whole
this stone
is rolling as it should
the could be
has already been
it happens
like that
between blinks
faster than though thanks
can reload
i am certain now
that all the hours
and days
have been repayed
in ways i cannot change
everything
inside of me
is falling out
and onto the streets
for everyone to see
for everyone
to feel it with me
i cannot be more certain
about the curtains
raising
separating
in two
for the show to continue
this is it
if it is not now
then it is never
i am certain this time
is unlike any other
all bets are off
i am ready
to take off
and take it back
take it for me
and take it for lack
of taking
when this mind
was all but broken
but it has been reopened
chosen
etched in bold
against the cold night sky
i am certain this time
this time
i am right

vampire weekend

wait for the sun to set
and saturday to come
it is then
they come out to play
this
vampire weekend
will lead you into
sounds that feed off of you
teeth bite deep
into your soul
turning your ears
to a rolling stone
back into a vibe
your hips
can stick to
and heart will skip to
in the heat
they are cooling
turning steam back into water
falling under your hands
they hit
like this
and like that
they are fact
intact
always in the back of your mind
such music
should not be so
complete
so worthy of repeat
but on the weekends
their teeth are as sweet
as the sounds
that come out of their finger tips
and if the night does not end with them
then it never began
to begin with

you say

you say,
all of this
as if it were
the same thing I was thinking
i say
you are wrong
it wont be long
until you see that too
how many breaths
must i lose
before you choose
truth over fiction
belief or leaving
i will
feed you meals of faith
three times a day
and even more
whatever it takes
i would rather break
me than you
neither if i had to choose
the rules
are ridiculed
pulled from gardens
with rotten dirt
you say all this
with so much certainty
as if you were sure of it
nothing could swerve your mind
but my might
is fire
full of promise
i will pour into you
honest to god
i am done with rolling the dice
you cannot look
into my eyes
without dropping your hands to the side
too angry to even ask why
i wont even ask why
but i know
in the back of your mind
there is that flower
the one we both watered
the one night in autumn
when it was all about us
you say
all these things
but i do not care
the air is only ours
we don't have to share
so i breathe it all in
little by little
this could all be so simple
but even the sun sets
and the darkness extends
into our hearts
we either grow
together
or apart

even then

tomorrow
today
yesterday and all the days
that have not yet
been slept through
i want to share them with you
when the sun sets
and we cannot get past
the darkness
even then
i want them with you
long enough
to stuff the hallways
with picture frames
full of exchanged smiles
and unfinished romance
we could roam
around
this town
and the next
create city limits
wherever our desire exits

as far forward
as our words can extend
and however long
our arms can reach
is where i want to be
with you, too

battles

if my words were water
you would rather pass the cup
than give in to your thirst
get the liquid from elsewhere
you are not hearing what I have to say
see through promises
you say
no back bone
to call my own
it is in your hands
close to being forgotten
my breath is a rotten breeze
you dodge it blowing you back into my arms
stepping away
with certainty that doesnt not leave you
you left me
empty handed
branded with bruises
i have no one to blame but myself
i could polish it all
in a gold finish
but you would see through the tint
and throw it in the dirt
its worth is not worthy of your lips
i just want my kiss to mean something
but every word i utter
sputters out
feet first
running towards you
for you
but they fall
right in front of you
have you forgotten
that these words come
from the same lips you once kissed?

you and me

our language is sky
which means
our mouth must be earth
a fixed orbit
we clash
crash against one another
putting arms forth
so the stars will not fall

we love in a world
that is too small
for us both